Companions Don't Cry
by Snowbear
Summary: What is a Companion do to when some unknown force changes him in the midst of his Choosing journey into the form of a human?
1. The Change

_What in the Havens just happened?_ I wondered, staring up at the branches waving gently in the chill winter breeze, revealing the stars behind them. They looked odd. It was no wonder- depth perception wasn't something I was used to, nor was I used to being able to point my head straight and see things right in front of my nose. I rolled over and pulled my legs beneath me, but again, it was wrong. My hind legs were too long, my forelock fell in front of my eyes in correctly, I couldn't hear right, I couldn't smell right... Finally, I took a deep breath and looked down, and despite the fact that I already knew what had happened, the sight of a pale, lithe, humanoid body still startled me.

I reached up a hand, yes a _hand_, and pulled my bridle over my head and then sat down on top of the saddle that I had been twisting around in this entire time. The leather was still blue, finely worked with silver bells hanging from the reins. But it no longer fit me. What magic had conceived to pluck me from my state and turn me upside down? I felt the leather with my fine, long fingers, and despite myself I felt a smile creep on my face. Oh to feel things with hands again! It was beautiful, and then the feel of a smile upon my face made me laugh.

However, the sound of my human voice, so like the mindvoice I had so often conversed in, brought me back to reality. I did not need hands, nor an expressive mouth any more. I was a Companion of Valdemar, and as I looked at myself, I realized that this situation was clearly far more serious than I had been taking it. I did _not belong_ in this body.

The breeze blew again and I shivered, realizing suddenly how cold it was. Without a thought I reached for the energy lines and wrapped myself in warmth, like the blankets I'd cover myself in as a foal in the winter, when I was just a little too cold. With that, I stood up, my ears tense and prickling as the chill made me realize whatever had changed me might still be out there, and for such a deed their intent could only be malicious.

It was winter, yet the snows had not come yet, and the old ones were past. The air was dry and thin, and the trees starkly naked under the moonlit sky, echoing my state. It was very quiet, the nightly noises of summer were long gone. I heard nothing, I saw nothing, and I only smelt the cold. Whatever had changed me, was gone, and even looking at the energy lines I couldn't sense any foreign mage.

I climbed to me feet, wavering a little in the unfamiliar body, but as a Companion my memories of my past life are much closer, and I quickly caught my balance and adjusted. Reaching down I picked up my saddle and blanket and slung my bridle over my shoulder. I'd have to walk like this to the next town, and explain what had happened.

Suddenly I felt as if my warmth had left me. There was no Herald at this town. There were no Heralds or Companion for tens of miles. Who would believe a naked albino carrying a horse's tack through the winter apparently unaffected by cold? Who would give my words any credence at all? I shivered, despite my warmth and realized I would just have to lie, and get myself clothing and a horse somehow and ride back to Haven, where the powerful Mages there could turn me back to my natural form, where I would be believed.

But what would these people believe? Bandits were always a good excuse... Yes, the bandits came, they stripped me of all my belongings including my horse, but left his tack which happened to appear very much like the tack a Companion wore. Yes, they'd believe that. I snorted in disgust and realized I'd have to leave my tack.

Looking around at the empty plowed over farms I felt a sinking feeling. There was no where to hide it. Squinting in the moonlight I toyed with the idea of burying it, or putting it under the bushes in the thin tree line the road paralleled. It was so _blue_ though, although in this light it looked the same as all, gray, in the morning someone would see the hint of blue, someone would ask question as to why a Companion's formal outfitting was hiding under a bush...

I'd have to be quick. If I could just get in to the next town by morning and then ride back out and get my tack... But no... I sighed, heaving out my sides and digging my toes into the hard dirt of the road, frowning curiously as I felt the grainy dirt digging back. Sensation. In my _foot_. Who the hell would give me a horse anyway? Clothes, yes, but a horse? No one could spare horses in a place like this.

I looked up a the moon, and whispered, _:Oh bright Lady, what is a poor stallion to do:_

_And barely even that_, I thought. I was just old enough to be considered an adult by a Companion's standards, and my human body translated that age, for from what I could tell, I had the body of a young man, maybe twenty or so. With a sigh, knowing that my Mage gifts really weren't meant for anything other than bodily enhancement, and gift control/supplementing, I pinched at the magic, wondering if I could change myself back. But as I prodded I knew it was useless. It would have to be some Adept. I could just _imagine_ the look upon Elspeth and Darkwind's faces as they saw me.

With a sinking feeling I wondered if even _they_ would believe me. But that was stupid. I had my memories, I had my powers... I had the tack. Well, I did now anyway. Whether or not it would come to Haven with me was the real question. _Damn it all_, I thought miserably, _Choosing will just have to wait_.

**A/N: Please review! You _have_ to have SOME thoughts on this story, just put in a word or two! begs Press the button…. **


	2. Human Body Human Attire

**A/N:** **Here's the next chapter! Thanks to:  
-vreader, Fireblade K'Chona, Dyslexic Angel, Nightshade-013****, and Stormy Phoenix for reviewing the first chapter!**

In the end, I used a stick to scrape a depression in the ground, and I carefully shoved my nice formal tack there and then pulled some branches and bushes over it, hopefully hiding it enough that no one would notice it for a day or two. Few people came upon this road... what was the chance they'd look carefully enough into the tree line that they'd notice a hint of blue underneath the brown? With this thought, I, and very regretfully, took some dirt and rubbed it into the saddle, smearing it as brown as I could get. _That will take _so_ long to clean_...

And so, standing as naked as I had been my entire life but only now doing so shamefully, I jogged down the road. My magic kept me warm, kept my endurance up, and let me run at a pace fast for a human, but it didn't protect my skin and for once I missed having hooves. By the time I'd run a mile my soft, newborn like feet were cut and bleeding from the bits of gravel in the dirt, but I ignored them and kept running- some things were more important than pain. Hopefully these wounds wouldn't transfer over once I got back into my own body, having hooves like my feet surely were would be awkward to say the least.

After what felt like hours I saw the buildings and shapes of a town rising up from the flat horizon and soon I was standing at its gate, its locked, closed gate. I sighed and sat down on the side of the road, wincing as sharp, half frozen blades of grass pressed against my human buttocks. Hair, I realized, is something we Companions take too much for granted. Never again will I wish for hands.

Despite feeling wide awake, I must have fallen asleep waiting for the dawn to come, for when I woke it was to the curious face of a Guard. She jumped backwards when I opened my blue eyes and I smiled again, relieved to finally know _this_ adventure was over. However, the Guard didn't look too delighted, and she eyed me warily.

"Who are you?" she asked, her fingers hovering around the hilt to a sword.

"Daneric," I replied, forming familiar words in an unfamiliar way, telling her my true name, "And I am so glad to see you."

"Why is that?" she asked, looking up and down my pale body, "You look half dead."

"I feel half dead," I lied, because a normal human should have frozen to death. Then again, I wasn't human at all, but I only said, "I'm a traveler. Bandits overtook me last night, they took everything I had."

"Except your life," the Guard finished for me, looking suspicious, her eyes looking as harsh as her voice sounded.

I almost felt like crying- except that Companions can't cry. She didn't believe me. An older, wiser Companion would have known what to do, no doubt, but I was just barely full grown and this was my first time out of Haven! I looked back up at her, trying to put a pleading expression on with my unfamiliar face.

"Please, I waited all night for the gate to open. All I ask is for some clothing and maybe a bit of money," I said softly, hugging my arms around myself to feign the feeling of cold, "I don't know _why_ they didn't kill me, I'm just glad I'm _alive_."

She seemed to believe me now for her frown eased and she put out a hand to help me, "All right Daneric. The Guard can spare you that much. I'm not one to leave a poor man out in the cold but I can't help you further than that. Do you have family or friends near?"

I shook my head and accepted her hand, pulling myself up to my feet and stretching awkwardly, "It doesn't matter. I can handle the rest, when it comes."

"Where were you going anyway?" she asked as she led be through a smaller, side gate into the town and then over to the Guard's house.

It was blessedly warm and I quickly dropped my warmth spell- it was draining me unexpectedly. The front room, clearly part of the Guardhouse and not her home, simply had a desk, a few chairs, and a bright fire burning merrily, giving the room more light than the cloudy morning could provide through the windows. I sat down and the Guard, whoever she was, disappeared back farther, without waiting for me to answer. No doubt she would expect a further story from me when she got back.

She came, holding some bundled furs and old cotton under-things for me. She set them down on the desk and then, with a grin, said, "I'll leave you to yourself while you change. These are some of my son's old things- he's long gone, don't worry about him."

I nodded gratefully and the moment she was gone I pulled the pile apart, quickly pulling on the warm clothing. It fit loosely, either her son was a large guy or I was small for my age. As a Companion, I was about average, but either way, clothing was clothing, and even though I wasn't used to it, if I looked like a human, I need to dress like one to get any help or respect.

The boots too, were a tad large, but she must have guessed that and the extra three pairs of socks helped fill them out and I felt more like a human. Being naked hadn't bothered me- I had been a Companion long enough that I was used to walking around without garments hindering my movements, and if anything, the clothing only made me feel more _un_comfortable, not more comfortable.

I moved over to the door she had left through and knocked, telling her I was done and asking a few questions at the same time. The door opened almost immediately and she looked my up and down once more and then with a wry smile asked, "So it wasn't just the gray landscape then- you really are albino?"

I nodded, it was easier than trying to pass as a Mage, "It makes for trouble in the summer. Sunburn, you know."

She grinned and said, "Well, I'll get you some breakfast and see if I can't spare some change for you Daneric, in exchange for your story."

I nodded, hopefully I'd be able to think of something good off the top of my head, and if not... well... the worst that could happen is she'd call me a liar.

"Get me a town chit too, while you're at it," I said and when she looked at me curiously I replied, "Please. If you can spare one, I like souvenirs of where I've been."

In truth, I would give it to the Crown when I returned, after all, didn't help for a Companion count as much as help for a trainee? Even if they never knew what gave them the tax cut, I still felt they deserved it. She accepted this however, and disappeared again, reappearing with a slice of thick bread smeared with jam and a mug of some steaming beverage.

I accepted, hoping my taste buds had changed along with my body. Well, even if they hadn't, I imagined bread and jam wouldn't taste _bad_ to a horse shaped creature. She sat down across from me and watched quietly as I ate, or rather _devoured_ the food. In the shock of changing, I hadn't noticed how _hungry_ I had become. The beverage turned out to be tea, no sugar or milk but good just the same. It was nice, feeling the hot liquid seep down my throat and into my stomach.

After I was down I paused before speaking, letting my food digest a bit and she let me sit quietly, basking in the warm firelight. It also gave me a chance to gather my words together to tell my tale.

"As I said, my name is Daneric," I said, looking down and then reaching up to finger the fine, long white hair that fell in front of my eyes before continuing, "I was born up in Haven twenty years ago. My father is an advisor to the Queen, and since that clearly isn't a job you can inherit, I had to seek my fortune elsewhere. He was wealthy enough that I could gain an education at the Collegium, so I didn't enter the world without a skill. Anyway, I've always wanted to explore the reaches of Valdemar so... I gathered up the money I'd saved and earned and set off. I was planning on writing a novel on my travels through Valdemar, or perhaps on something else. Writing is something I've always enjoyed… I might become a recorder of some sort when I return to Haven. I'm sure I can find someone who needs something written nearby."

Most of that was truth, but only part of it actually referenced my current life. As I spoke, I realized if it came down to, I probably _would_ have to get a job and writing was definitely something I could do. My mother, not father, happens to be the Companion of the Queen, so she _is_ technically an advisor to the Queen.

The Guard nodded slowly and then smiled, "Well Daneric the scribe, my name is Julianne, and I hope you manage to get back to Haven safe and sound or continue your travels without further trouble."

With that, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a small coin bag, heavy with Valdemaren coin, and a chit from the town. I accepted it gratefully and pocketed it in the thick pants she had lent to me. The chit said Poldale, a name unfamiliar to me- but it was a small town, unlikely to be on any map but a detailed one of Valdemar or one of this area.

"I will always remember this- someday I will find a way to repay you," I said truthfully, although I already planned on handing over the chit once I got back to Haven- knowing I was helping them here would ease the irking fact that I'd have to return without my Chosen. But the sooner this was done with the better.

"And I'll always remember the day a naked albino turned up in front of the gate one wintry morning," she said with a wink and with a sudden blush I realized she was _flirting_. It almost made me shudder- as a Companion I don't really think about humans that way anymore, but something in the change must have been working on me because I realized, to my horror, that she wasn't really that bad looking.

So I only smiled sheepishly and stood up with another thanks and a, "I guess I'd better be on my way then, Guard Julianne."

"Goodbye, Daneric," she said, standing up as well and following me out the door and back to her post.

I went straight back out the Gate I'd come in and headed back up the road across a road that had previously hurt my feet- and indeed they were sore inside my new boots. As I trudged I felt a depression hanging about me, pressing on my back. How terrible it was to be a Companion returning home without his Chosen.


	3. Snowstorm

**A/N: Here it is... Chaper Three! Thanks to:  
TheWildWind, Nightshade-013, Acesha, vreader, wind, and Fireblade K'Chona for reviewing chapter two!  
**

The day was crisp and cool, and before long I was quite grateful for the borrowed clothing, and I was sure my cheeks were burned red and raw from sunlight and harsh cold as well. My forelock- my hair, was long though, down to my shoulders and it helped shade me from the bright rays that hadn't bothered me the night before.

It seemed like ages of trudging, well a trudge for me anyway- it was more like a heavy brisk walk for a human, before I came upon the spot that had worked my change. The area looked undisturbed, and it wasn't unlikely that no one had been along since I had.

My tack was still there, and after uncovering it I sat by the road rubbing off the dirt, wondering what I was to do with it. I could easily find a way to cinch the saddle around my body and carry it with the bridle slung over a shoulder, but I really didn't want to have to answer questions about what a commoner was doing with Companion's caparison.

Of course… I thought with a glance around the chillingly empty landscape, I _could_ disguise it as a pack. Companions usually only disguised themselves, in small ways, like eye color and the such, and I had never worked such magics myself, but it _could_ be done. I sighed and stood, pulling up the saddle and wrapping the girth around myself and playing with some ropes a bit until it was snug enough across the chest before pulling the breast color over and tying it up with the girth. It was as secure as I'd like, and it twisted some fine tack around in ways I _didn't_ like, but it would stay. And with a touch of a Companion's magic no one would ever notice it.

With that, I was almost ready to go. First things first, I was going to check this place out. It _looked_ normal enough, but someone, or something, had changed me from a Companion into a body I hadn't expected to entertain for several lives. This sort of thing doesn't happen normally, and I intended to figure out what had happened. The farm side of the road looked average enough, and no further scrutiny was necessary but the tree line… It could be hiding much more than the dirt and a chill ran up my spine that had nothing to with the cold. I was totally alone here... what if what had changed me had come back and was hiding, lurking in the tree line?

However, upon closer look and after an hour's of pushing through thorns and overgrowth in the small area, I realized there was nothing here. There just wasn't. No matter how impossible it seemed… It would appear that I had randomly turned from my true shape with no outside help at all. I prayed Darkwind and Elspeth and the Gryphons and the Tayledras and whoever else that was a Mage and hanging around could figure out what had happened, because _I_ sure couldn't.

I set out at a run, moving at a fast paced jog that a normal human wouldn't be able to keep up all day but as a Companion in human form I could do with ease. At this rate, it would probably take me two weeks to reach Haven, opposed to the nine days it had taken me to get here. I quivered at the thought of time wasted. At this rate, my Chosen would be eighty by the time I got to her! Or him.

The day slid by. I spent the night in a way station, half hoping to find another Herald and Companion there that could help me from my dilemma, or at least could listen to me and know that I wasn't human. But no, there was never anyone. This part of the country rarely had Companions traversing it, and the way stations were only used once a year and sometimes less by the circuit going Heralds. I wasn't actually going back directly the way I had came. My original path was a bit winding, and spiraling as I searched for the one to make a Herald. The path I took now was much more straightforward, and led me almost directly to Haven.

And then, just when I had started to relax into the routine and my hopes were leaping at the thought of being back into my old, faster moving and versatile self, _disaster_ struck, much to my despair. Humans were so… _weak_. Not that I didn't miss hands sometimes, but right now I was supposed to be a _Companion_, and that biased my opinion some what.

The disaster was this: a winter snowstorm. It hit on my fourth day of running. The day had started overcast and a little warmer than usual, but still below freezing and by late afternoon fat snowflakes had started to drift down from the sky. At first I paid it no heed, and kept jogging, but before I knew it the temperature was dropping rapidly, chilling through my sparse layering and snow layered a few inches thick, muffling the noises and creaking under my feet. A wind had picked up, and I heard the eerie moaning of trees cracking against each other, yet my line of sight was gradually growing smaller and smaller so I couldn't _see_ those trees and my paranoid self conjured up images of dark Wizards and wyrsa. Was that only the wind or the howling of a Mage construct? My steps quickened and my eyes were wide, straining to peer through the snow at shapeless shadows and figures that blew away in the snow upon closer scrutiny

But as the weather grew worse I finally realized I couldn't continue in this, I'd only get lost and freeze myself to death. Yet I couldn't recall if I'd past a way station recently, or if there was another one near by and I felt a twinge of fear as I knew that I _didn't_know where the nearest shelter was. But I didn't let panic hold me and I simply slowed to a walk and pulled the scarf of my outfit tightly around my face, keeping a careful eye on the road and watching out for the telltale path that led to a Waystation, ignoring my fears of enemy Mages. But anyone that could turn a Companion to human could _certainly_ follow me in this weather...

The temperature dropped more as the sky grew darker and I hugged my things tighter to myself, glad for the heavy warmth and protection of my saddle tied to my back, and glad that the layers of clothing I wore padded it from digging into my skin. Soon the only thing that kept me on the road was the tree line, still following along the road until- I groaned. It disappeared. Or rather, it stopped. I squinted through the falling light and looked back. Sure enough, it just _stopped_. What farmer had decided to rid themselves of the windbreak and save themselves the space? Whoever it was, I cursed them, and then backtracked to the trees and dropped down by a particularly tall oak. I would have to wait the storm out.

It was better to stay where I knew I was on a road, and civilization _might_ be near, then wandering all night until I was lost inside the Pelagirs. Shivering, I pushed away the quickly deepening snow between the Oak and a younger tree and then pulled off my saddle, leaning it between the two trees such that it provided a small amount of shelter, giving me somewhat of a three sided lean-to, if only I was as small as a dog.

As it was, the best I could do was dig down, shoving past the leaves to the dirt, and then pile the excess snow up around me, but not touching me, forming a tiny snow fort. I would never again doubt the usefulness of the winter survival classes I'd taken as a heraldic trainee in my past life, even though I never used the lessons until now.

That night, I had very strange dreams. I dreamt the Oak came alive like the druids of old and she stood beside me, whispering soft words into my ear and melting the snow to spring. Green leaves sprouted over the trees around me and the color was so bright I thought it'd burst my eyes and far off in the distance I could hear someone singing.

When I looked, I saw it was another druid, this one of the fields, naked as the day I'd became human with long blond hair with streaks of red twirling around a lithe body. Her feet touched the unplanted ground of the fields, and where they did, wheat and corn and potatoes sprouted, growing swift and strong and I had the strangest feeling that I'd slept here for months, and now I was watching spring and summer occur- as if time were no longer a thing I was prone to, and thus I could see the workings of the spirits.

"_I was walking with a ghost,"_ she sang, ignoring all around and whirling across the field,

"_I said please, please don't insist. I was walking with a ghost__..."_

The Oak druid wrapped her arms around me, hugging me with warmth and gradually the meadow druid's sweet singing voice drifted off and all I could hear was the gentle blowing and creaking of tree branches next to each other. But no…That wasn't quite right. I looked up and saw the branches were covered with ice, not leaves and the Druid was gone.

**A/N: I swear in the next chapter the plot becomes more complex... slow beginning I know... but keep with it! Next chapter _should_ be up around Monday or Tuesday ish depending. XD. If you got this far I thank and applaud you! hug! Oh yeah, and if you don't know and as a disclaimer the song she was singing is Walking with a Ghost by Tegan and Sara. I assume that doesn't count as the song fic stuff they banned? Quotes are okay, right?**


	4. Yael, Teryl, and Dash

**A/N: Here's the next one! Huh... nothing much more to say I guess. XD. I think the next chapter will be up around the end of this week... Busy week ahead- well actually my weeks are always busy! XD. Lol. Well... thanks muchly to:  
Fireblade K'Chona, robin reen, Stormy Phoenix, TheWildWind, d2queen, and Nightshade-013 for reviewing the last chapter! hugs the reviewers You make writing possible!**

When I woke I found I was so numb I could barely move. My fingers felt frozen through and I feared of frostbite. What would the effect of losing several fingers be to a one toed Companion? But when I looked, my fingers were fine, if not whiter than usual and when I broke out of my little cave bright, angry sunlight blinded me temporarily and I heard the soft snort of a horse.

I froze and blinked rapidly before peering in the direction of the road. Gradually my vision cleared and I saw a bundled up farmer, standing beside a plow horse. The horse pulled no carriage or farm work, but a saddle was upon his back and a few saddle bags were slung across the front and back of the saddle. The horse was on the road, and the farmer was a little closer to me, looking shocked.

"Good morning," I said, rather stupidly, and pulled myself stiffly up out of the snow, brushing the thick white flakes off my clothing and stretching in my damp clothing. It was warmer than the day before, and the snow on the trees was falling off in large clumps.

"Sir?" the farmer inquired, softly, an air of suspicion around him.

"Sorry if I frightened you," I said lightly, "I got caught in the storm and didn't want to lose the road, so I made myself a little hole here with my pack."

With a sudden inner wince I realized my disguise wasn't up yet on the saddle and I quickly fuzzed the image of it and pulled it up onto my back, hoping it wasn't the blue saddle horn sticking up from the snow that had caught his attention.

Maybe it was and maybe it wasn't, but now he saw it was clearly a pack and he nodded before saying, "Well, lad, you look in need of a warm mug of cocoa. My harvest was good this fall, I can spare you a bite. You look frozen to death."

"I feel frozen to death," I answered with a cheerful grin, "Lead on to this cocoa you speak of."

"What's a young lad like you doing out in a place like this, anyway?" the farmer asked, leading me back over to the horse, whom I looked at with a smile. After so much walking, I had realized riding a horse to Haven would have taken me longer than walking, and cost me more as well.

Stumbling through the snow, I also saw it had snowed an amazing number of feet, and now that the air was clear I could also see that this man's home was only some fifty feet away from the side of the road where the tree line had stopped, which explained how he got out here at all through the snow- it wasn't a far walk.

But the horse was already steaming from the effort, and I didn't begrudge it its tiredness. The snow, on the road, was a good four feet deep and I was really floundering until I reached the path it had kicked out.

"I wouldn't have come out here myself," the farmer said, "But my daughter said she had a feeling I should look under this tree- and when Teryl gets a hunch she's usually right."

My ears pricked up at this, was it mere intuition or something more? Usually, I'd disregard such talk, after all, farmers tend to be a superstitious lot, but the name seemed to ring a bell inside me.

"I'm Yael. Most of this land as far as you can see is mine," the farmer said as we walked, following the plow horse back up to his house, and then inquired cautiously, "Now if you don't mind me asking… are you one of those witchy folks up from Haven? You got the hair for it, if you know what I mean."

I nodded with a smile, agreeing about the hair, and then quickly shook my head with a short laugh, "Yes, I know what you mean, but no I'm not one of them. My white comes from lack of pigment in the skin- I'm albino."

He nodded, glancing back to look over my face once more, and what he saw must have satisfied him for he nodded again and then nudged the horse a little faster. We were both silent the rest of the way, for which I was grateful. I never realized before how much I depended on mind to mind speech for emotional overtones. People just couldn't _read_ me anymore… and it was so much harder to express things. Well, I _did_ still have Mindspeech, but I couldn't very well say that now that I'd told him I didn't have Mage powers, and even thought such speaking doesn't technically count as Mage powers, most people blend them all together- besides, weren't the only people with such Gifts Heralds? It'd just be more of a hassle than it was worth.

Yael's home was small and quaint in a cozy sort of way. It was good and solid, made of rock rather than wood, and although I guessed it was probably at least three times as old as Yael it still looked to be in good condition, with thatch probably made just last fall sitting form beneath the snow.

He had me wait between the barn and house while he put Jack, the horse, into the barn. He didn't take long, and within five minutes he returned, smelling strongly of horse, a scent I'd stopped noticing as a Companion but now that I no longer smelled that way I actually noticed it when it reached my small and somewhat weaker nostrils.

There was smoke coming from the chimney, and although I really would have preferred a cozy stall with some nice warm mash, a home and a farm breakfast would work for me. Besides, I doubted they'd understand my request for the treatment of a horse and I didn't care to explain.

"Dash, Teryl, this is," Yael paused and glanced back at me as he brought me into the kitchen of the home and stamped off his boots.

"Daneric," I said, once more using my real name. Where was the harm?

"Daneric," he finished as he pulled off his cloak. I copied him, pulling off soaking boots and peeling off as many layers as possible and hanging them on the hooks, watching with a slight grin as they steamed in the warmth of the home.

When I was down to my long underwear and shirt I stopped, although I'd really prefer nakedness to clothing, and I turned to look at those I had been introduced to. Instead of a wife and daughter, as I expected, I found myself face to face with a dark haired, serious looking man and a young girl- about fifteen.

"Pleased to meet you," I said politely, forcing another smile upon my face as I held out my hand to Dash.

He gave me a grim smile and stiffly took my hand, shaking it before sitting down at the table where covered dishes hinted of a breakfast just waiting for Yael to be back from the snow to be eaten.

"And you," I nodded to Teryl, who stated at me curiously from distinct brown eyes before copying her- what? Brother? Uncle? Father? I supposed it was possible he was Shaych, although from my eye he didn't look it, but that was just stereotypes pulling through.

"You're the man in the snow," Teryl said as she sat down, tucking a strand of red hair about the same length of mine behind an ear. I noticed it had a slightly more blond tint to it than normal redheads had.

I shrugged at this comment and then followed Yael's waved hand and sat down across from Teryl and peered curiously at the dishes.

"Thanks to the Gods above," Yael murmured and the others copied, myself only bowing my head in silence.

"It should be Spring," Teryl commented, helping herself to a scoop of scrambled eggs from one dish, "But you're still locked in ice."

"Teryl?" Dash inquired in a deep accented voice, looking over at her beneath frowning black eyebrows.

"In his dreams," she said lightly and he nodded, something passing between them before he turned back to his own food.

I felt a chill run down my spine as I peered at the girl. She was ignoring me now and digging into her food, and after a while of this silence I finally dismissed it and forced myself to pay attention to the warm, good food at hand. But then she spoke again, sending shivers down my body.

"I've never seen an albino before," she said with a grin, looking back up at me, "Are they all searching for something?"

"Searching?" I echoed weakly.

"Don't be rude Teryl," Dash commented, not looking up from his food.

"Sorry," Teryl said, although the grin she aimed at me suggested otherwise.

I prayed the rest of the meal would pass without more comment from her- she just gave me the creepiest feeling, and I was in luck. By the time my stomach was full to the bursting with warm fresh eggs and hot cocoa, I'd managed to dismiss any forebodings I had felt previously.

The family, (?), stood up and Teryl cleared the dishes, working quickly with strong and agile hands, piling them on the wood counter for cleaning later, and Yael led us the second room, which clearly doubled as a sitting room and bedroom. There was a loft, which looked like it was probably belonging to Teryl, and a single bed which, by the cushions lining it, doubled as a sofa. I glanced at Dash- where did he sleep?

To the glance, he answered, "I'm a friend of the family." He seemed almost dull, but I had a sneaking suspicion there was more of him down hiding beneath a bland and slightly intimidating surface. The way he looked at Teryl and Yael suggested he cared deeply for both of them.

The three sat themselves around the room- Teryl got the fire in here burning a little brighter before curling up on the sofa beside Dash, and Yael sat himself in a worn old cushioned chair, warming his toes next to the fire. Dash sat still, gazing into the flames and Yael quickly buried himself in a book, and before I could edge my ways to sit in an old rocker, Teryl had pulled out some knitting and everyone was alone in this room full of people.

I felt uncomfortable. Did they expect me to stay or could I leave? Considering the weather outdoors… I doubted I would make it far today. Did they expect me to help out in exchange for their hospitality?

However, no one made a move to speak to me, so I settled myself with musing over the functioning group. Teryl was curled up so close to Dash I suspected she had a crush on him- she seemed to be watching him from the corner of her eye and it wasn't hard to see why. He was dark in a mysterious handsome sort of way and I recalled having sisters who would fall head of heels for that sort of man.

Yet as I sat, and rocked a little carefully, drying off and feeling delightfully warm and drowsy, I sensed an aura in this room that wasn't quite like that of a normal household- and it had nothing to do with the lack of a large family here. It was enough that I was almost enticed to stay, and figure out what it was that fascinated me- but I needed to get to Haven- and find my Chosen.

**A/N: There! I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as _I_ enjoyed writing it!**


	5. Black Feathers and White Dreams

**A/N: Heyla all! Sorry about the long update- I've had a busy week. Today is the first day of NaNoWriMo and I'm already falling behind. If you don't know what NaNoWriMo is... go to and sign up! Hurry! The days are already sliding by! Anyway... my daily goal is 2000 words and I only have like 500 and only have like fifteen minutes before I need to go to bed... Well, I'll stop complaing and start being grateful. Thanks to:  
kalirafirestorm, shadowstalker, Dragonsdaughter1, and Fireblade K'Chona for reviewing! hugs**

However, by the next day, I had a sneaking suspicion fate had pulled the rug from beneath my feet once again. The day before had passed slowly, Teryl had gotten up to do household chores and Dash engaged Yael in conversation every once and a while, but no one really did anything, but it was winter so that wasn't odd. And I was pretty much ignored. Come evening, some quilts were laid out on the floor and before I knew it Yael was snoring in his bed and Teryl I assumed was in the loft and Dash was nowhere to be seen. Had he gone home?

I shrugged and simply crawled into the quilts. The light was dimming as the fire dimmed, and I felt for once at peace. It reminded me of the nights before Midwinter, when you knew the next morning you'd wake to find presents in your stocking. But those memories were from long ago, and I found myself longing from the Companion's Stables, and the rich grass of the field.

Looking up at the rafters of the house, I saw a few feathers tucked up in the thatch. I couldn't tell from what bird they were from, but they were large, and black. No doubt some trophy from a good hunt, and I fell asleep dreaming of Companions and Heralds hunting down turkeys in the royal forest outside of Haven.

My twisted world twisted a little tighter in the morning. I woke to Teryl, peering down at me with her brown eyes, calculating and a bit amused as she sat by my head. It startled me at first, and I tried to bolt, but instead I ended up get tangled up in the blankets with legs that weren't the right length and eyes that didn't see things right. Teryl laughed.

"Sleep well?" she asked in her light, amused voice.

I nodded, catching my breath and pulled myself from the blankets. It was a bit chilly, but the fire was already going again and I could feel it seeping new warmth into the room.

"You dreamed of white horses," she said and then stood up, going into the kitchen to start breakfast I presumed.

It was all I could to do to just stare at her, my eyes bulging like a fishes at her retreating back. What _was_ she, some sort of thought senser? I tested my shields, to make sure they were still functioning properly- if there was anyone Gifted in this home I didn't wanted them picking up from _me_ anymore than they had to- yet if she was dreaming my dreams then I was already being read, wasn't I?

With a shiver I stood up, deciding I'd really have to leave this house before something else happened, despite the snow outside. I could find an Inn if it came down to it, and way stations, although rarer here, were still around and free for me to use.

But then another thought occurred to me, and I sat down, placing my back purposefully away from Teryl, and then gently reached out to probe her, but to my relief and yet somewhat disappointment, I found her Gift free. Maybe her intuition was just that, intuition. Yet it still itched me, the things she had said, and the sooner I could get away the better.

"Ah, you're up," I heard Yael's gruff voice comment as a whoosh of cold air swept through the house.

I looked back and there he stood, Dash hovering behind him, both bundled up and covered in snow. I grinned and stood up, rubbing my arms and liking the fire even more now that I'd felt today's cold air.

"Why don't you climb back into those toasty clothes and come help with feeding the animals?" Yael suggested and I gladly nodded. The _least_ I could do was lend a hand, and I was grateful that I was finally being put to use.

Within moments I was back into the ill fitting clothes Julianne had given me, warm and dry all the way through now and then I was out into the cold, the wind blowing around my snow white hair so that I pulled my scarf tighter around my head and face.

I noticed Dash watching me carefully but chose to ignore him, and followed Yael to the barn across a part kicked part shoveled path through the snow. The barn was warmer inside, if only because there was no wind, and it smelt strongly of cows and hay.

Dash climbed up into the loft and tossed down a few bales of hay, revealing a strength that wouldn't have been obvious from his lean frame. Yael motioned to me and I picked up the bales, piling them in a corner and then pulling off the strings so it could break into neat flakes which, once more at Yael's direction, tossed into the pens of cows.

"We already mucked them out," Yael commented, and sure enough, the straw inside the pens was fresh and fluffy and didn't stink of the manure cows pumped out like beer from a barrel on a holiday.

When hay was given to all the animals he thrust a bucket into my hands and sent me trudging to the well and back, dragging up icy water and lugging it inside to fill up old wooden troughs. Dash was gently grooming Jack and a piebald mare I guessed was named Lucy, by the way he kept murmuring that name to her.

Before I knew it, Yael was leading us back to the house and it was almost noon, and the sun was as high as it could get and I had the sinking feeling I wouldn't be leaving today. Yael almost seemed to expect me to stay- as if I were a farmhand he had hired on, and not a lone albino he found sleeping under the snow after his daughter told him she had a hunch.

This time, I was not as soaked through and it only required me to peel off my outer layer before I reached dryness and I happily kept on most of my clothes as we sat down to a breakfast I had sorely missed- this time with rich creamy milk to go along with a thick whole wheat bread lathered in marmalade and cinnamon.  
However young she looked, it seemed Teryl was doing all the housework of a grown woman, and I wondered what had happened to her mother, although it was none of my business and would be quite rude to ask.

After our brunchy breakfast we once more settled into the living room, this time Teryl worked on darning up old clothes instead of knitting new ones, and Dash only sat long enough to stare into the fire a few minutes before up and leaving. Yael and Teryl didn't even bat an eye at this so I, rocking once more uneasily in the rocking chair, didn't say anything either, although I watched him as he left, trying to look as if I wasn't adverse to help but not being nosy either.

"He's going for his birds," Yael commented, looking up from his book- for the first time I found myself surprised that he could read- why hadn't I noticed it before?

I unconsciously looked up at the ceiling when Yael mentioned birds, and he followed my gaze with a grin.

"Vulture feathers," he said, "the ones they've shed."

"Shed?" I echoed, unconsciously pushing my silky hair behind one ear- a movement I had pulled up from a past life when I had kept my hair long, like it was now.

"He keeps about six of them behind the barn," Teryl says, "They're really interesting birds. Their dreams aren't quite like ours but still… interesting. Dash traps animals for them and ages them for them to feed when they can't find food of their own. He should be flying them right now- sending up one to find food, and if it does, he brings out the others to exercise and feed."

What, so now she had animal Mindspeech as well as dream sensing? This was too weird. Trying not to be too obvious, I probed her again. She seemed oblivious, although one so aware of her gifts should be more aware of probing… But once more, all I felt inside her was that of a normal, average girl. Was she shielding them somehow, or suppressing them except at certain moments?

However, as I probed, I noticed something else. She was a pretty good person. Not just averagely good, but she had the makings of a Herald too. I glanced away in surprise, pushing away the expressions that threatened to emerge. Had fate led me here to Choose her?

Then I realized she was expecting a reply and with a slight blush I said, "That's really cool. I've never heard of anyone keeping vultures. Do you like them?"

She nodded quickly, "Jack and Lucy get edgy around them but it's something else from the normal hunting hawks."

"Why vultures?" I asked, now genuinely curious, "Hunting hawks are clear… they hunt. But vultures?"

"It's this idea… Vultures have very good senses of smell, it's how they find the rotting meat. So we figured we'd find some, and teach them to find things by their scent. Lost things, lost people, criminals… dangerous wild animals… anything with a scent. Besides, when the winter's tough, they can usually find something dead, and since it's cold, the meat, even if it's ages old, is still good, kept fine from the cold," Teryl said, her eyes lighting up with excitement, "Vultures are trainable, although they're rather vicious. You'd expect they'd be easier to bond with- since they're group creatures, but they're really nasty sometimes and if they don't like you, they can regurgitate old meat at you."

I grimaced. _That_ was something I wouldn't like to experience, but Teryl didn't seem to really mind. In fact, the idea seemed to amuse and delight her at the same time. I couldn't help but begin to like her- she was an engaging girl, despite her oddities.

"Yeah," Teryl said with a laugh at my expression, "It's not too fun when it's done at you, but I've been around them so long they're pretty much used to me."

"I must admit it, I'm fascinated," I said, rocking a little faster in the chair, and thinking that if this idea of Teryl's really worked, it would probably be something the Crown would be interested in. Just imagine! Being able to find someone or something without the use of detectable magic!

"I can tell," Teryl said with a grin aimed only for me, her hair falling gently over her eyes, then she startled me by saying, "You have the eyes of a Companion."

_Why yes. Yes I do, in fact_, I thought to myself wryly, but I only said to her, "You're not the first to say that."

"It's true," she said, looking down at her handiwork, "Not the normal blue of a normal person, but a deep, drawing blue that sort of dares to pull you in if you look too closely, that suggests of magic and mystery and a little something more."

I found myself staring at her. The _eloquence_ of her words. It left me speechless. After all, I _was_ a Companion, but I'd never heard our eyes described so poetically! Maybe she should be a Bard and not a Herald!

At that thought I was pulled back to reality and I said, "Thank you. I've never heard it put so nicely."

However- that wasn't the reality I was pulled to, it was a polite dismissal so I could think things through. Like, _how the hell was I supposed to Choose her when I wasn't even a Companion?_ Why couldn't fate have waited for me to get home? I mean, I _supposed_ I could go back to Haven and _then_ trudge all the way back here… I glanced over to the door, where my saddle and bridle lay, gently glowing blue to only my eyes.

Maybe if I could get her to come to Haven with me, then I could Choose her once I was back to my old self… I sighed and leaned back in the creaking chair, and immersed myself so deeply in thought that I nearly jumped from my skin when the door opened and Dash reentered.

He almost chuckled- like I thought I heard him chuckle but when I turned to look his face was serious and I immediately felt as if I'd done something wrong… He had that effect on me, but he merely nodded and pulled off his boots before striding in and sitting down next to Teryl, who scooted over to him and leaning against him while picking up her darning once more. Yes… things were strange here, and I settled myself to a long stay while figuring things out.


	6. Cold Weather and Rings

**A/N: Hey all! I know this was a longer update time than usual but what with NaNoWriMo I've been busy... Anyway, thanks to:  
Night Owl and Fireblade K'Chona for reviewing the last chapter! I hope you enjoy this one too!  
**

No one ever asked me anything- except to ask me to help out with chores. Within a week, (and another snow fall), I had learned how to care for the animals and could have done it myself, and I was learning the lore of cows and horses. The next day they set me to milking- something they had previously done before I'd gotten up, and I quickly learned that cows, like horses, are prone to kicking people they don't like.

For some reason, cows don't like me. Oh, they liked me well enough when I was giving them hay, but to have me reach under and touch them with hands_ I_ considered gentle… No, that they didn't tolerate. And I found that now I was human, I was a bit more delicate, and after the fifth cow knocked over her bucket and landed a good kick on my thigh I stood up and kicked her back, a nice solid thump in her side and gave her a good glare- if I could have laid me ears back I would have.

To my surprise, she complied and decided to ignore me as she had never cared and began steadily chewing through some hay. I sat down again, a bit put out and annoyed and finished milking her. There was a laughing snort from behind me and I turned to glance back, ready to aim annoyed words at Yael or Dash, but Yael was somewhere else and Dash was shoveling manure in another pen, his eyes off of me, and serious and with a eerie feeling I turned back to milking.

"Interesting way of dealing with a cow," a voice commented and I whirled around, but once more Dash _appeared_ to be totally ignored me, yet the voice sounded like his. I shrugged and answered, "It's their language."

"It is," agreed Dash, throwing a pile of steaming manure into a wheelbarrow. After that I decided that Dash was just creepy.

Once the chores were finished we returned to the house and Teryl said she was going to take Lucy into town to do some shopping- we were running a bit low and if the weather kept up like this we'd be completely snowed in, in no time. The cellar had _seemed_ quite full to me, but then again, I'd never been raised on a farm, not in any of my recent lives anyway.

I immediately saw this as a chance to talk to Teryl about coming to Haven with me, how I'd broach the subject I hadn't a clue but I had to take this chance. So instead of pulling off my boots I said, "I'll come too. There are a few things I need to get myself." _Like a warmer coat_.

She nodded and I waited by the door while she bundled up, her quick hands neatly lacing up sturdy boots and tightly securing several scarves around her head, letting only a few trailing strands of reddish blond hair wisp out.

"We'll take Lucy and Jack," Teryl said as she pulled open the door, letting in an icy wind. We quickly stepped through and shut the door firmly. I squinted in the bright sunlight and winced as the wind bit at my open skin and wormed its way through the seams in my layers.

I followed her to the barn and helped as we gave the two horses a quick brushing and then saddled them up. It was strange to be the one doing the saddling, instead of being saddled, and I thought longingly of my warm winter coat and my beautiful blue saddle, the cozy Companion's stable and the herd togetherness.

Teryl took Lucy's reins and led _her_ out of the stable, so I supposed I was getting Jack. The bay followed me placidly out into the snow, the wind apparently not bothering him with _his_ coat, although his eyes dropped down a notch. I shivered and curled my hands up inside my clothing as much as possible.

"We go this way," Teryl said mysteriously, mounting up on the piebald plow horse and nudging her into a walk along the shoveled and trampled area between house and road. I hoped the road was at least partially clear- otherwise it'd be a long ride in uncomfortable weather.

I had little time to talk at first while we rode- it was too cold and there was just enough room for the horses to plod slowly along single file, a situation very hard to converse in. Yet Teryl assured me blandly that the town was only five miles away, and never before had five miles been so long.

This town was small enough to be more of a village, without walls or fortifications. It was really just a few homes and a few stores all lined up alongside the road. Teryl halted Lucy and then tied her up at a hitching post just inside the village limits and I copied her, realizing as I did so that horses emit enormous amounts of heat. The moment I was off Jack I was shivering again.

And so I followed her around the village, stopping at the grocer to buy what foodstuffs they couldn't get from the cows or their calves- all of which would keep indefinitely in this weather. I didn't really get a chance to confront Teryl at all about going to Haven until three hours of trudging around from store to store in the snow after a girl who didn't seem to feel cold. Did she have any other Gifts she wasn't showing? I snorted under my breath- cold immunity wasn't a Gift, although it'd be a damned useful one if it was!

My chance came when Teryl was tying bags to Lucy's saddle with fingers much too nimble through gloves much too thin to possibly be keeping her warm. By this time my _own_ fingers were feeling thick and clumsy, as if my blood was freezing slowly into mush and stiffening my joints.

"You have something on your mind, yes?" Teryl asked, looking across Lucy's back at me, her brown eyes inquiring and curious.

I shrugged, then realized _now_ I could ask her about Haven and I quickly nodded and said, "Well, yeah. I do actually. Have you ever been to Haven?"

She shook her head, "I've been too busy helping out with the farm. Why? You from there?"

I nodded sheepishly and shoved my hands in my pockets, "I am. Born and raised."

"You do a fair hand with a farm though," she said with a slight smile and I blushed at the praise.

"Thank you," I said, glancing at Jack, tied up behind me, "But I was thinking… it's winter, and I'm sure your father can handle himself for a few weeks- if you'd be interested in coming up for the midwinter festival? I try not to miss it myself and I think you'd be fascinated."

It wasn't really lying. I mean… I suppose I made it sound as if she'd be coming back, but there really wasn't any other way to get her back to Haven. Yael would receive compensations and Dash was there to help too. I didn't _want_ to hinder them, they were truly nice, if a bit odd, people.

"Dash too?" she asked, perking up, a few more strands of hair escaping from her scarf as she tied a sack tight and then moved around Lucy's head to untie the mare now encrusted with snow flakes blown around in the wind.

"Uh," I said, "Well… I wasn't sure if you could spare…"

She gave me a look, one that I couldn't quite identify and then mounted up onto Lucy so she was looking down at me with her sweet face and then said, "I'm not free you know."

"Free?" I echoed, for what, Heraldic duty? I frowned at her.

She frowned back at me and then pulled off her left glove and waved at me what I hadn't noticed before and said, "Dash is my _husband_."

"Oh," I said quietly, my mouth forming a ring like a fish gasping for air and suddenly I felt like that- like I needed air.

"Oh," I repeated once more. _That_ explained a few things… Like how Dash never moved away from her- and where he slept. And now, thinking over it, I saw too how _he_ moved towards her as well, how _he_ looked at her. How could I have not noticed, even if my Companion oriented brain had missed the rings?

"That's right," she said smartly, kicking Lucy around and trotting out of the village, leaving me and Jack alone in the wind, snow swept landscape.


	7. Without You

I returned of course. And she had clearly expected me to follow, because she had left me with Jack. It touched me, in a way, that they trusted me enough to leave me with one of their all important working horses.

I barely let her get out of sight before gathering my senses together and leaping up onto Jack with a grace I had managed to retain from being a Companion and managed to urge the poor old horse into a canter, slipping on the ice and snow encrusted road until we caught up with Lucy and Teryl, upon which Jack didn't even try to keep going. He clearly knew where _he_ wanted to catch up to.

"I'm sorry!" I called out and Teryl pulled Lucy back so Jack and I could walk alongside her. It was tight, but we managed and I tried to avoid bumping our legs together- if only because I realized now it had come out like I had _liked_ her. Which I didn't.

"I should hope so," she said a bit darkly and I winced inwardly.

"I hope you know I was trying to… to court you or anything," I said, glancing sideways through my now messy white hair, "I didn't- I really wasn't…"

"It's all right," she said, stealing a glance over at me now, and I saw her eyes weren't angry, only thoughtful.

I couldn't help but sigh in relief, bending over my saddle and letting my hands touch Jack's neck before looking back at her with a grin, "So how about Haven?"

"It does sound fun…" she said and then gave me a suspicious look, "But I can't help and suspect your motives."

"No motives," I said quickly and then laughed again and added, "Except that I'd like to show you a good time."

"But Dash can't come," she said and I saw a flash in her eyes as she said his name and I looked away.

He was so _old_ for her. It could be an arranged marriage, probably was, considering. And I supposed it was a good thing they loved each other… But _still_. I shrugged to myself- I'd been a Herald too long, with relationships built totally on love and marriage only occurring rarely. That brought a smile to my lips. Heralds _were_ said to be a bit… well… different in that area, I guess it was time someone brought me back to reality.

"I suppose it's up to him and your father," I said with a shrug, patting Jack absentmindedly and praying Yael would decide Dash too important, and I felt a twinge of guilt now… I'd be taken away daughter _and_ beloved. What kind of monster was I, one of the white demons of Karsite imagination?

Havens… I _couldn't_ Choose Teryl- she was too needed. If I Chose her, her sense of duty would superimpose her need to be with Dash, but there was no way they could ever be together- he'd be needed here, and she'd be needed there and I _wouldn't_ break up a love like theirs, no matter how weird it was.

I sighed, and decided I'd have to be off the next day, and find a way to thank their kindness. But taking away Teryl would be no way to repay them and I pulled my thoughts away to stare at the white rolling expanses of farmland and lose myself in it. Lose myself in white the way someday I hoped a young boy or girl would lose themselves in blue… _my_ blue. Someday…

By the time we entered the farmhouse once more and stamped our shoes free of snow the sun was setting and I felt frozen to the bone. And this time, as Dash came over, I saw, and I noticed, and I blushed to realize my ignorance. He said little, as always, but he took her clothes and hung them near the fire to dry, he watched her from the corner of his eye… I supposed I should be happy for them, but I could only find it in myself to be sick- not at them, but at what I hadn't seen before, what I had hoped could be, that was only a dream.

That evening, after a silent dinner I prepared myself for a silent sitting in the living room, as always, yet this time Dash didn't gaze off, he turned his light eyes on me. I fidgeted in the chair, wondering what to do and what I _would_ do if he chose to gaze at me all night.

"How long until the festivals?" he asked and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

"Uh," I said, shivering not from cold, "Uh... two weeks."

When, _when_, had he learned about this? I was with Teryl _constantly_ since then and never had she said a word… But oh- she was Gifted wasn't she? I frowned at myself and then peered back at Dash, wondering how to tell him I no longer could bring Teryl with me.

"She can go," he said and Yael looked up.

"Go where?" he asked, in an unassuming, simply curious tone.

"The Midwinter festivals in Haven!" she said excitedly, inching closer to Dash. He picked up his arm and draped it around her shoulders, turning his head so he might whisper in her ear. I didn't catch what was said, but once more it brought to my attention the way they both centered around each other in such obvious ways.

I blamed my ignorance on my Companion lifestyle. What would a horse like being know of human courting? That was bull of course- I could still remember hazily being a human, and a Herald. I should have _known_, but I would never have guessed, never suspected… and sometimes belief is stronger than sight. If I had been in my Companion form this _never_ would have happened- being human was muddling me.

"Ah," Yael said, glancing over at me, "I see. If it's all right with Dash it's fine with me."

I blinked in surprise, glancing between the three of them. They must know each other very well- such underlying communication, such understanding… even without mind speech it was clear they were a tight knit family.

_Very well_… I thought resignedly, I would take Teryl to Haven. She deserved it, I supposed, to see the beauty, the wonder. But never as a Herald. No, not in this life anyway.


	8. Departure

**A/N: Here is the next one! Hope you enjoy! Thanks to:  
ShadowHunter Mashell and I Forget for reviewing the last chapter!  
**

We were to leave in three days. That gave us, or rather, Teryl, time to prepare, pack bags… say goodbyes… That sort of thing. It would only be for a few weeks, but Dash never the less looked a bit more resigned. It was hard to tell, with him, but I had the feeling he would miss her.

_Well Teryl… this is the life you Chose_, I thought as I saw a traveling saddle pack get stuffed fuller and fuller. She started baking travel-cakes as well, and other filling, easily packable foods. I wondered if I should offer them coin for my stay, but they seemed to ask nothing and I worried it might offend them. They seemed to take me as almost part of the family, as if I'd up and joined them and someone told them it was meant to be.

The night before we left I suddenly found myself alone with Dash, and to my surprise, his eyes were damp and shiny in the dim lamplight. He pulled me off to the corner with a strong grip, glancing over to make sure Teryl and her father were well and distracted.

"Daneric," Dash said, and I realized it was the first time he'd addressed me by name. He rarely ever spoke… and I worried as to what he'd say now.

"Yes?" I asked timidly, wishing I didn't look like such a sissy with my snow white girl length hair. I _had_ to start ponytailing it or crop it short- but the thought of the transfer over and my Companion self with a cropped mane made me wince, and a ponytail in this weather would be _bitingly_ cold.

"Take care of her," he said in a low, harsh whisper and gave me a very pointed look and then moved off, entering the living room to sit down beside Teryl and gaze into the fire, his seat and little more drooped over.

I stared for a moment at him and then entered to my accustomed space, the spot where the mother or grandmother of the house would usually occupy, and started my uneasy rocking by the warmth of the fire.

Did Dash know something? He almost seemed to be treating this as if Teryl was leaving and never coming back… but I wasn't going to Choose her… what did he think? He couldn't _possibly_ know what I really was, what on _Velgarth_ could make him think he'd never be seeing his young lady again?

I shrugged these thoughts away and before I knew it I had dozed off in the chair. When I woke, everyone else was gone to bed and the house was quiet. I quickly slipped into my quilts in the floor and fell into a dreamless, troubled sleep. Something told me this was _not the end_.

Morning came too soon and I woke earlier than everyone else for once and I padded into the chilly kitchen to add a few sticks to the oven stove and put a pot of hot water on. I had learned much in my short time here- one of those things was how to make a good bit of cocoa or tea.

Dash woke second, looking unusually disheveled. His eyes were dark and rimmed as if he hadn't slept much either, yet he looked strangely determined as he sat down in front of the table wordlessly.

Yael came in next and started up a quiet conversation with Dash, most of which I missed because the water began to boil and I started mixing up to cocoa. By the time it was ready all three sat at the table, waiting for the cocoa I presumed.

Teryl shot me a smile and said softly, "You're a quick learner."

I blushed again and quickly shoved away thoughts of making her a Herald before saying, "Well, I still can't make breakfast. You'll have to help me with that."

"I'll do it," Dash said and when I turned around he was already standing. Teryl just smiled and shrugged, so I sat down and stared at wood grains, wishing for the moment when we could just _go_, and wondered how I was going to fix a saddle to a saddle- even a saddle disguised as a pack.

_My poor, poor saddle, _I thought. It wasn't receiving the sort of conditioning a saddle of its quality should have, and it was just a wonder the bridle bells hadn't accidentally sounded out their soft chime and alerted someone that my 'packs' weren't all they seemed to be. At least they hadn't noticed I never went into them for anything.

To my surprise, Dash _could_ cook. It didn't have the added touch that Teryl put into her meals, but it was most _definitely_ edible and with the limited supplies of a remote farmhouse it was downright complimentary.

And finally, at long last, the time had come. We bundled up in all our clothes, and Dash gave me an extra sweater of his which made me just that much more warm and made me even more determined to bring Teryl back home safe and sound. What better way could I repay their kindness?

Teryl had a flush to her cheeks even before we stepped outside, and I could tell she was excited. It warmed my heart to be giving this to her, and since I wouldn't be stealing her life away… It just made it all that much better.

The day was a bit warmer than previous days, and the snow was slushier, but it didn't really slow or enhance our progress on the two horses. What I _did_ notice was that I wasn't used to long distance riding anymore. It was ingrained in me, even though I was now the ridden and not the rider, or supposed to be anyway. However, muscle isn't ingrained in ones self, and I didn't look forward to the time I'd be spending in the saddle in the near future.

If _only_ I knew how to get back into my real self! It would just solve _everything_! The Adepts at Haven had _better_ know how to get me back to myself, it would be too much on top of everything to find I was stuck this way.

With a guilty twinge, I realized I was being selfish. What was more important than getting me back to me preferred four legged self was _why_ I had switched in the first place! How could I have forgotten?

However… the lack of any sort of attack or offense suggested it _wasn't_ some sort of enemy mage as I originally suspected. More like it was a freak accident, a remnant of the Mage Storms or an untrained powerful young Mage. I almost wished I'd tried harder to investigate my change… but a naked human isn't a fun thing to be, and I'd be glad to turn this over to more capable hands and hooves.


	9. Haven's Truth

**A/N: Hey all! NaNoWriMo is finally over! I got 50k but didn't finish (as usual). hugs NaNo story I'm gonna finish it up before I work on other stories, there are so many I want to write right now! ;D. Well... thanks to:  
ShadowHunter Mashell and I Forget for reviewing the last chapter!  
**

Haven is a beautiful place in winter. It's a beautiful place in the other seasons but somehow… winter has always captured its beauty in a gentle way that the other seasons can't seem to pin down.

From afar, the city spreads out like a city made of snow, magical and untouchable, like something out of the tales. Inside, it's even more magical, if possible. Snow almost always lines the streets, like fairy dust on everything, and icicles hang down from every possible place like glass ornaments. Moral and cheer is high, with holly and bells strung out on every bit of decoratable house and storefront. Candies are being sold at every corner and carolers flock the streets, singing Midwinter songs with cheer and joy.

Of course, I suppose _I_ don't see the slums, the areas where the snow has no where to go and turns brown from the dirt, where the people are too poor to afford gifts or decorations… where the cold kills one of every five people who can't get the clothing or shelter they need… But, as I was once told in a life a long time ago- if there's beauty, enjoy it, and if there's suffering, be aware of it, but that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy the beauty.

Teryl, meanwhile, was _fascinated_. She'd never been to Haven, so I can't blame her. I led the way, and it was only Lucy and Jack's companionship that kept Teryl with me. Her eyes were as round as the glass globes hanging from trees and it brought a smile to my face when I saw her expression. But it was a bitter smile, because I knew she wasn't coming to stay.

We stopped just before entering the Collegium, where a small market fair had been set up. Now that I was home, my sense of urgency was gone, and I felt I could stop to let her have a bit of fun- that was what we were here for after all. Right afterwards I could bring her to the Collegium and get myself changed back- she could stay, and I'm sure the Heralds would understand and lend her a spare room- if not, I could and would pay for her to have a hotel room and if she needed it or wished it, an escort back to her home… yet I felt sad that I would have to betray her like such and I think that may have also been delaying my feet and words.

We left Jack and Lucy at a local stable and paid a silver to keep them there before going to the fair. I took Teryl's hand so we wouldn't lose each other in the crowd and together our breath steamed out in puffy clouds in the glowing, candle lit fun in the fading light.

"It's so amazing," Teryl whispered, staring around at everything and holding tight to my hand, "We have fairs at home, but _nothing_ like this. If only I could take a bit back to share!"

"You could take back a cookie," I said with a grin, buying two gingerbread men from a stand and tossing one fresh and steaming man shaped cookie into her hands.

She laughed and we sat down on a few abandoned barrels off to the side between two booths to eat the cookies. I burnt my tongue on mine, but ate it quickly anyway. Now _cookies_ are one thing I've always like as a Companion as well, and the gingery taste brought back memories of past Midwinters, with my mother's Herald bringing us Midwinter treats.

And _that_ reminded me of the Field- so close and yet so far and I looked around, almost expecting to hear a jingle of bridle bells and a Herald riding through, but there were none, although I could see the blue and silver of the Guard wandering about here and there.

"Daneric!" Teryl said suddenly and leapt to her feet and I jumped after her, shoving the gingerbread man's last leg into my mouth the chase after her.

"Teryl!" I said, cursing softly under my breath but not really mad.

"Let's sing!" she said as I caught up and I saw a scrap of paper in her hand and looked around to find myself in the midst of a group of carolers. I shrugged defeated and she pulled me close to we could both read the words scribbled onto the paper.

"_I am walking with a ghost,"_ she sang and I felt a cold chill run down my back- and not from the dropping temperature.

"_I am walking with a ghost. When I say no, please stop and listen,"_ I turned to stare at Teryl, but she didn't seem to notice me. It was as if time was slowing down and I heard nothing but her voice softly piercing the silence with grace and beauty- if those words can be applied to music.

She didn't have Heraldic Gifts. She had the Bardic Gift. Now that I was looking for it, I could see it, burning brightly in her like a flame that would never die. And now too- that I knew of the connection between her and Dash, I could see an invisible line stretching out into the distance, and down that bond I raced, spinning through a spiritual world until I saw Dash in my mind. Burning in him too- was a flame.

My heart sank to my stomach. Of _course_. Of _course!_ Even when half the puzzle came into place I _still_ hadn't seen the other half! If I were human I would have slapped myself, but I was a Companion, yet a true Companion would never have made the mistakes I made.

They were _Dash's_ Gifts. _He_ had dream sensing, _he_ had animal Mindspeech, _he_ had telepathy! How had I not noticed it, all those times he said things and it looked like he wasn't speaking? How hadn't I noticed the way Teryl had phrased things?- like she was spouting off information read in a book. She was _repeating _him, all those comments about dreams and the vultures, (she had said so, hadn't she?), were _his_. That dream- the one with the field druid that so resembled Teryl, it was _his_ dream, not hers.

He was the Herald, true to the bone. _He_ was the one making sacrifices, he must have known, somehow, that I wanted to Choose Teryl, and he knew that he might be saying goodbye forever when I took her away to Haven. He was the one accepting responsibility, being brave… How could I have not seen it?

I moaned and felt a touch on my shoulder and opened my blue Companion eyes to see Teryl staring at me.

"Are you okay?" she asked. Oh she was sweet all right but she wasn't a _Herald_.

I leapt to my feet, not even wondering when I had sat down. I _had_ to be changed back _now_. I _needed_ to get back to Dash, or Dacian, which was his real name; my brief touch with his soul had revealed to me all sorts of information. I _knew_, deep in me, that Dacian was my Chosen. It wasn't the sort of oh she's nice and has good qualities I had experienced with Teryl, but a deep, aching _love_ for him.

I started running, pushing through the crowds, and only partially in the back of my mind did I notice Teryl running after me, calling my name, my _Companion_ name.

"I'm a Companion!" I shouted wildly, pushing past the crowds, "I'm a _Companion_!"


	10. More Hard, Cold Truth

**A/N: Thanks to MareofEarth, Andi, I Forget, and Serami Nefera for reviewing Chapter Nine! And here is the tenth one... **

"… a Companion," I whispered, dropping to my hands at the main doors to the Heraldic Collegium.

"Daneric!" I heard behind me and turned, staring through my forelock at the human chasing me and I snorted lowly before sinking down into a human-like sit.

"What's wrong?" she asked, dropping down beside me after briefly looking around at the abandoned grounds- everyone was out celebrating or inside in the warmth.

"I'm not who you think I am," I whispered, feeling _human_ tears sting my eyes.

"Dash said…" Teryl started, then asked, "Who are you?"

"Daneric," I whispered and she only stared at me with her calm brown eyes, "Daneric, Companion of Valdemar."

"Companion?" she echoed, looking puzzled.

I tore off a glove and showed her my pale, long white fingers and said, "These are not my hands." I touched my face, "This is not my face."

There was a shout and I looked up to see a boy in Heraldic trainee grays standing a few feet away, looking puzzled. His words echoed in my head and I realized he had said, "Can I help you?"

I felt like crying. I'd forgotten what it was like to be surrounded by Heralds. I nodded and stood up, pulling Teryl up as well. The boy eyed my bleached skin and hair and eyes- albinos weren't common even in a populated city like this one, and one so closely involved would recognize the white hair and blue eyes of a mage Adept, although my bleached skin was something else. The confusion was evident- Mage, or Albino?

"Take me to…" I paused- who to talk to first? "I need to speak with the Groveborn."

The boy started and then peered at me more closely before nodding, "All right."

Within moments I heard the soft chime of a Companion's hooves on cobblestones- the boy must have mind spoken his Companion, who spoke to the Groveborn. I felt an overwhelming sense of relief to be back with those I belonged to.

I turned around and saw Rolan, standing tall and majestic and I bowed my head to him in respect before saying, _:It's me… Daneric. I was out to Choose and somehow… _this_ happened.:_ I held out my hands before him, too ashamed to look him in the eye.

_:Get Elspeth- and the others:_ I heard Rolan say to the boy and his Companion, and within moments there was only the three of us.

_:Who is she:_ Rolan asked, peering at a very confused Teryl.

_:A friend…:_ I said, feeling too embarrassed to relate the whole tale, _:She has the Bardic Gift, although I don't think she's aware of it. She doesn't write, but she has Talent.:_

_:I'll send for someone from the Bardic Collegium:_ he said, and as he said it, I knew it would be done. I didn't feel so bad about keeping Teryl here, now that I knew Dash would be here soon as well.

"Daneric?" Teryl asked from behind me, her voice soft and a bit frightened. I turned around, and I could _feel_ the Companion within me, so strongly that my human legs confused me and I almost fell.

"Someone from the Bardic Collegium is coming for you," I said and she peered at me queerly, as if she wasn't quite sure whether or not to ask if I was joking or to be hopeful that it was what she thought it was.

"Are you a Herald?" she asked instead, changing the subject, and glanced at Rolan.

I laughed and shook my head, "No, not quite. I'll explain everything, I promise- just when someone from Bardic comes here, go with them, all right?"

She nodded, looking worried and I turned back to Rolan, but his eyes were elsewhere and I saw a woman, Elspeth, and behind her, Darkwind, the Gryphons, and others I wasn't sure of. If only I'd made of a point of paying more attention to things and I'd be able to recognize them all!

I stood quietly as them came and stood before me, my head bowed, avoiding any of their gazes as Rolan translated my story over to them. And then I felt their gazes, amazed and disbelieving.

"Daneric?" Elspeth asked, "Is it true?"  
I looked up at the Princess no longer heir and nodded slowly, "It is. Please… I want to be a Companion again."

She nodded and suddenly I felt the probes of several powerful Mages, touching me and feeling me and an excitement filled me along with the yearning to run once more, stretch out my white, hair coated legs and toss my shining mane and I could _almost_ feel it again and-

"Daneric…" Elspeth said slowly and I realized they'd all be talking softly for a few minutes. I looked up once more, worried. Why weren't they changing me back? Was it the clothes? Need I get rid of them? I had no problem dancing naked in the snow- I'd done it once, I could do it again.

"Yes?" I asked, feeling frightened at the expression on her face, "You can change me back, right?"

She shook her head slowly and I fell to my human, _human_, knees, staring up at her, and then the rest, imploring them to smile and tell me _they_ could, it was all okay- I'd be a Companion again.

"Sorry… Daneric," she said, and held my gaze with her Adept bleached eyes, "Nothing changed you. _You_ changed yourself."

**A/N: Sorry about the shortness, it's all in the stopping and starting point. The next chapters will be longer I promise! And up soon! **

**P.S. (Please review! hugs reviewers) **


	11. Companions Don't Cry

**A/N: Hey all! Today is my first day of winter break! Woot! Thanks very much to:  
TheWildWind, vampslayer04, ElfAnanya, d2queen, and ShadowHunterMashell for reviewing the last chapter! And here is the story...  
**

"No," I shook my head and jumped to my feet, staring at them in annoyance, "No I didn't. That's impossible- that's… silly."

"You'll have to change yourself back, there's no other way," Elspeth said to me and Rolan snorted in agreement from behind me.

"No!" I shouted, whirling around at the multitude of serious faces and feeling my insides crush down into each other, "No- that's not true. I didn't change myself, how could I? How could I?"

Before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face and I hated them, because Companion's don't cry and how was I supposed to turn myself back if I was acting like a human? With a sudden cry of revulsion I tore off my scarf and gloves and jacket and then I was pulling off my boots and pants and throwing them away. I could bear the touch of the cloth on my skin. It was cold, but it was real and when I stood naked and white before them I turned once more.

_:You're wrong:_ I said, _:You have to be wrong.:_

"We're trying to help you…" Elspeth started and I laid my ears back at her, my eyes narrowed and my body poised defensive.

Rolan stepped in front of me then, _his_ ears back at me and I immediately cowed, embarrassed at my show of rage. _:Daneric:_ he said, _:Listen to them. They still may be able to help you:_

I sank to the ground, not feeling the cold snow, or the chill wind blowing my mane around my face and neck, hating the fact that I sat in a position no Companion could manage and before I knew it gentle hands were lifting me and I was sitting astride a Companion- Rolan, a position that repulsed me. _This is not where I am supposed to be_.

And then before I knew it, I was staring at green walls and a warm blanket covered me, but somehow I was cold all over, shivering and feeling terrible, and sometimes I saw Elspeth, other times it was Healers, and even a few times Teryl's sweet face swam before my eyes, but then she was gone, and I was alone with my pain.

They told me I was out for a week, and I told them it felt like longer. They said the combination of the shock, the cold, and the exposure had all meshed together and I was just _sick_. And _that_ was why my mouth tasted like medicine and I happened to have a bed, a _human_, bed in the Healer's Collegium. I still felt sick- but it was only in my mind now.

They had dressed me in soft whites- Heraldic whites, and I wondered if they were suggesting something, or if those had simply been the most appropriate clothing for a Companion turned Herald.

On the second day that I was better Rolan came in. All the way in, his hooves chiming on the tiled floors and his horsy scent filling the room. My nose no longer identified it as normal- it was something else, but I held back my tears- because Companion's don't cry.

_:Daneric:_ he asked and I nodded glumly, _:Tell me all that you can remember before you were changed.:_

I looked over his shoulder and saw Talia standing in the doorway. The Queen's Own. The Empath. Was I in need of emotional Healing? I wouldn't have said so a week ago, or even a few months ago. But if what they told me was true, and I had _changed myself_, then I really didn't know what to say.

"I," I started and then quickly switched to mind speech, _:I was…:_

I suddenly realized I couldn't remember. The moments when I'd first transformed, they were vivid. Strong. The experience of seeing with different eyes, moving with different muscles… And the days before, I'd been traveling, searching the land for a Chosen that hadn't come to find me first. But that night? What _had_ I been doing, traveling at night?

Talia came all the way in and sat down at the end of my bed. I felt her as a light weight and I winced at the reminder that I was not as I should be. Why wasn't I changing back, if I had changed myself? Why _couldn't_ I change myself back? Why was I still lying here, human?

"Keep going," she urged, in a soft, almost childish voice that calmed me and soothed me.

I took a deep breath and said, "I was going by night. I didn't want to stop, because I had a feeling my Chosen was just around the corner, if I could just go a little farther. I was right too- Dacian"-

"That night," Talia reminded me and I pushed my thoughts away of my far away to be Chosen. He could wait, he'd been waiting this long already.

"I can't remember," I whispered, pulling myself up right and hating every movement I made, "I can't remember."

"Yes you _can,_" Talia said, reaching out and taking my hand in her own small ones. I winced, and looked away, hating the glimpse I'd gotten of the long, pale fingers. They were like bony bars on a cage.

"I can't," I whispered, my voice a gentle breath.

She waited for an hour, and the left, Rolan following behind her. Each day she came back, but I couldn't remember, no matter how hard I tried. Not even Teryl's delighted visits in the rusty red colors of a Bardic Trainee could jar or inspire anything. I _tried_, I really did, and I pushed myself because they were trying to help me so.

And finally, someone made a suggestion I liked- "Why not go get Dash?" It was Teryl, and I saw a glimpse of longing in her eyes as she said so. The Bardic Collegium had no doubt sent a letter- and her as well, but that didn't stop her from missing him. I missed him too. Somewhere in the weeks she'd been told about my decision to Choose him- I can't remember who _I_ told, probably Talia and Rolan… but it seemed everyone knew my story by now.

"Would you like that?" Talia asked me from the other side of the bed and I nodded, feeling too choked up to answer. _Yes, Havens yes…_

"We can send for him"- Talia started.

"No," I said, shaking my head so that my forelock fell once more into my eyes.

Talia added, "Or we could go to him."

"We?" I asked, looking surprised.

"Maybe a different place will jar those memories. The Queen can spare me- she's busy anyway," Talia said, "So we yes. Rolan, you, and me."

"I can't come?" Teryl protested and I could tell she felt left out, her soft brown eyes protesting silently along with her voice.

Talia shook her head, "Not unless the Bardic Collegium gives you leave from your studies. And don't worry, I doubt we'll return without Dash."

_Not if I had anything to say about it anyway._

_  
_**A/N: Reviewers will be given candy canes!**


	12. Companion in White

**A/N: Candy canes to...  
ShadowHunter Mashell- Yeah, this has been a fun story to write! I don't use much imagery sometimes in my originals so I try and be very descriptive in my fanfics to practice.  
Mad-4-Manga- How is mine different from others...? hasn't read any Mercedes Lackey fanfic in ages out of loop Maybe that's a good thing then... But I'm not going to tell you anything because you shall find out, if not in this chapter in the next ones! Unless you like having endings spoiled... oÔ  
and  
TragicDespair- Thank you!  
**

It was good to be outside again. I was riding Jack, he belonged back with Yael anyway, although Lucy was left behind with Teryl. I had protested at first, insisting I could walk, but my human body was still shaky from the sickness and it was becoming harder and harder to use my magic to enhance my human body the way I had my Companion body- although I still stayed bleach white.

Talia and Rolan were good company, and neither of them mentioned anything about the night I became a human, to my relief. All our talks and discussions were about _anything_ but that. About Dash, about Teryl, about the Field, about politics, about Magic… we skirted the topic closely. I told them again all that had happened once I was human, every detail, although they'd already heard it over again, but in the hope that one of us might catch a key detail.

We traveled at an easy pace- the snow had melted but the temperature stayed hovering around freezing and there was always icy patches on the road, so it took us about two weeks before we were walking down that lane towards a quaint little farmhouse with a spacious barn filled with the lowing of cows yet absent of the nicker of horses.

I felt a growing dread as it first appeared in the line of sight, and when we halted before the driveway I would have turned Jack around and ran back to Haven, but instead the traitorous little animal let out a loud neigh, announcing happily to all that _he_ was home, and the door opened almost at once.

Yael saw us, and although he recognized Jack the sight of two Heralds and a Companion threw him- he didn't even recognize me at first. Whites do that, and once more I'd been given only the Heraldic whites of a _human_ Herald.

I glanced at Talia and she gave me a slight smile that nudged me forward. Yael I could deal with, I figured, but what in the Havens would I say to Dash? I hadn't even considered it… _could_ I Choose him in this form? Should I?

My heart was pounding as Jack moved forward of his own accord towards the farmhouse and his friendly owner. I made no move to stop him and when he halted in front of Yael and I dismounted and handed the reins to Yael.

"Thank you for the use of him," I said and suddenly Dash appeared. Had he come at the sound of my voice- or Jack's?

It wasn't right, it was strange. Dash was taller than me and although I hadn't taken note of it before I saw it now. My sight was wrong- I was looking at him with two eyes instead of out of one. I wasn't going to be ushering him into a saddle to prance of to Haven afterwards- but it happened anyway.

I stepped forward and the world seemed to stop. Dacian stood frozen and I let a smile creep across my face as I looked up into his pale eyes. Reaching out with my soul I wrapped my heart around his, filling all the empty spaces and then I said, _:Dacian. I Choose You.:_

And I felt inside myself a door opening that had been closed- a hidden door I hadn't even know was there, and as I wrapped my love around him, I felt _his_ love wrapping around me and it was as if I had sprouted wings.

_:What:_ he said once the spell was broken, staring at me with the ghost of a smile hovering on his expressionless face. I grinned. I always _knew_ he was speaking with his mind half the time!

_:You're a funny looking Companion:_ he said a moment later when I stayed silent, and he turned around and walked back inside.

I paused a moment, glanced at Yael, and when the farmer nodded, I went in after him and sat down beside him on the sofa/bed, on his left, while Teryl had always sat on his right. I left space between us- a few inches and for a few minutes we both sat silently. I felt like laughing- Dacian was as he was when I left him. The way he'd spoken… he said it the same way he'd said, _"Interesting way of dealing with a cow."_

A few minutes later Talia entered and I saw Rolan, or rather, felt him, hovering around outside and peering in through Talia's eyes. They were both there, even if Yael and and perhaps Dacian weren't aware of it.

"So," Talia said with a smile and I smiled back, feeling too happy to be upset about my lack of a horse like shape. Maybe that was the point.

"Uh," I said, realizing all eyes were on me and I really owed everyone an explanation, "I'm Daneric," I started stupidly and then continued, "This is Queen's Own Herald Talia and Rolan."

Then I motioned at Yael, "Yael, the finest farmer in Valdemar and owner of the greatest plow horses and… well I suppose you all know Dash."

Dash smiled in an almost _shy_ manner and then looked away. I just wanted to hug him! He was so great! But Companions don't have arms, so I didn't and I looked at Talia for the next lead.

"As you can tell…" she started with a smile of her own, "Daneric isn't quite right. He's a Companion, just like Rolan"- (_Maybe not _just_ like…)_ "but somehow he's ended up in human form. We haven't been able to get him changed back and we thought that you- Dash, could help him change back."

Dash looked mildly surprised, and all of a sudden I realized his lack of expression wasn't changing, it was that _I_ was perceiving very subtle changes through our bond. He shrugged and said, "I'll do what I can."

_:Chosen…:_ I whispered into his head, _:I'm sorry about coming to you like this… But…:_

_:I understand:_ he whispered back at me without batting a physical eye, _:Daneric.:_

And at that moment I felt a little sneaky bit of happiness from him that I'd Chosen _him_ and not Teryl after all, and no guilt surrounded the thought because Teryl'd gotten what she wanted too- to be a Bard, even though I hadn't known it before hand.

If only I too could get what I wanted. I wanted to go home.

**A/N: More candy canes to reviewers! I appreciate your feedback and support!**


	13. So Close So Far

**A/N: Candy canes to...  
Hellfires Fury- Yes, you can have a candy cane!  
Mad-4-Manga- I like writing happy stuff, not to say writing angst isn't fun too.  
I Forget- Here's more!  
Twilightfalcon- Dash is awesome- he's my favorite character. XD. I try and mold original ideas into my fanfiction- it's more fun that way!  
TragicDespair- I try and make them all interesting. ;)  
keepers for me- Your confidence in my story is amusing. Mwaha. shifty glances all around  
And here for the story: **

I slept with Dash, in Teryl's place, so Talia could have the quilts on the floor. It was strange- interacting with my Chosen as a human, and not a Companion- and it was also perfectly normal, the strangeness was only on the outside.

He slept with his arm around me- like a Herald hugging his Companion, and although it might have made some uncomfortable, Dash saw things the way I did and neither of us minded the close intimacy that was in no way sexual because a Herald and Companion were _supposed_ to be that close.

Now that I had created the bond between us, I could see his Gifts highlighted much more clearly. Dacian doesn't dream, not really anyway. He watches other's dreams, and sometimes interacts in them, as with my dream before I came to this farmhouse- it was his projecting that created the Teryl like Druid. And at night, my dreams too were changed because of him.

The next morning Dash and I were the first to wake- black and white, side by side. We sat up, staring down at the living room and a still sleeping Talia and Yael. The room was quiet and a bit chilly, so Dash and I sat close.

I glanced over at him and grinned and his lips twitched- and I saw he was grinning back, although I never would have noticed it before Bonding to him. _Chosen_, I thought silently and then we both started laughing- but the moment the sounds escaped our lips we cut it short- not wanting to wake the sleeping others.

_:So:_ Dacian said, and as always it _seemed_ as if he spoke out loud but thinking upon it I always saw it was mind speech, _:So you're a Companion.:_

_:Yes:_ I answered and tossed my head slightly, removing white hairs from my eyes and I winked at him, _:Can you see it?_:

_:I can: _he answered solemnly and I paused from my joking manner as he added on, _:Sometimes there's a double image, superimposed over you.:_

I started in surprise. The double image? But usually it was the other way around! He grinned and shook his head, looking at me sideways through his pale eyes.

_:I always knew you were different:_ he commented, stretching out his legs so they hung over the side of the bed and touched the wooden rafters of the loft, _:It hadn't occurred to me that you had come for me, and not Teryl.:_

_:Didn't occur to me either: _I answered sourly, staring at my human toes before glancing back over it him, a hopeful look in my eyes as I asked hesitantly, _:Do you… have any ideas of to how I can get back?_:

_:Well, why did you turn yourself into a human in the first place?_: he asked seriously and I blinked. Had anyone else phrased it like that?

He shrugged and then changed it around, _:Do you feel like a human- like a Herald? Try looking inside yourself.:_

"Daneric? Dash?" a voice asked and I nearly jumped out of my skin to see Talia standing up down in the living room, her mass of curls looking somewhat messy. There was a nicker from outside and I saw a glimpse of white movement.

"We're up," I answered and stood up, padding over to the ladder and climbing down from the loft into the warmer room below. Dash followed.

"How do you feel?" Talia asked as we congregated in the kitchen, moving away from a now snoring Yael.

I shrugged, feeling uncomfortable by this focused attention and mumbled, "All right."

She gave me a look and I sighed and tried to truthfully _answer_ the question and I said, "I feel really great- although I also feel like I shouldn't. I should be concentrating completely on getting back to my form. I hate being an invalid."

"You're not," Dash commented, and I _think_ he spoke out loud this time, for Talia, but I could never be sure with him.

"For a Companion, I am," I answered with a snort that went through my nostrils and I dropped into a chair, letting my silky white mane fall around my face, covering my expression.

"You'll find your way," Dash said, stepping over to me and running his fingers through my mane. I sighed and leaned back, looking up at my Chosen with the blue eyes of a Companion.

"I guess… I just want to be loved," I said as Talia sat down across from us and then that pulled a chain and I continued, "Loved, not love. I want to be guarded, not guard, I want to be guided, not guide… I want to follow, not lead."

"I can do that," Dacian whispered and sat down beside me, "I'm here for you Daneric."

I shrugged, touched at his words yet upset by them, and said, looking at the man, "But I'm not _supposed_ to feel that way. It's my _job_ to guide you, keep you safe Dacian!"

"Who says?" Dash said with a mild shrug, "Everyone needs to be comforted sometime."

"Well this isn't helping me get back to being a Companion," I said, staring at my hands with annoyance.

"Yes it is," Talia said and I glanced over at the Queen's Own, falling silent with respect to her.

"You're already closer," she said, "From the moment you Chose Dash."

I thought of the superimposing he mentioned and looked over at my Chosen. He returned my gaze, offering nothing and I stared at the wood grains in the table for a few moments.

"Well… should I make some tea?" I asked, standing up and then Talia gave me a stern glare and I lowered myself back down into the seat, ignoring Dacian's slight twitch of a smile.

"Dash," she said, still glaring at me, "Would _you_ make us some tea?"  
"That I can do," he said in his deep, unemotional voice and stood up. I felt cowed and I sat in my seat, waiting for Talia to do something.

"You're going to have to find the way yourself," Talia said sternly, "And although Dash is helping, he's also hindering. He's _your_ Chosen, not the other way around. I think you might be forgetting who you are."

There was a knock at the door and I started to jump up but with a second thought let Dash answer it. A white muzzle entered along with a flurry of snowflakes and an icy cold. Now I stood up and at Rolan's nod, grabbed my boots and thrust my feet in, stepping outside quickly to preserve the heat and shutting the door.

It was bright outside, and I squinted in the blinding glare, hugging my arms around me as the wind bit through my under layers and chilled me down to the bone. In moments I was shivering and my skin felt like it was shriveling up.

_:Daneric:_ Rolan said and I winced at the sound of my own name. _Shameful, that's what it was._

_:It's me:_ I answered glumly and then stumbled backwards as Rolan's ears went flat and he nipped me sharply on the arm.

"Hey!" I shouted, glaring at him, "What was that for?"

_:Companion Daneric, you owe respect to your elders! _Especially _the Groveborn:_ he said and I bowed my head, realizing what I had down but rubbing my arm anyway.

_:Sorry sir:_ I said, _:I suppose I deserved that.:_

_:Let's go for a ride:_ Rolan said and I glanced back at the farmhouse.

"But Talia…"

_:She won't mind:_ Rolan said sternly, _:Up.:_

I felt this was silly- _riding_ a Companion wouldn't make me feel more like one, but I did as he told me, holding back retorts and simply stepping over and pulling myself up onto the Companion's back, wrapping my fingers into the mane and feeling worse by the minute.

His pace was smooth, like butter, very different from Jack's horsey plod and I felt a longing stir within me. _I_ wanted to move with that grace, _I_ wanted to carry a Herald upon my back without effort.

Rolan, once we reached the rode, broke into a fast canter and I leaned forward of his neck, crouching down and holding tight to his silver sides with my legs, all the while thinking about how _wrong_ this was, for a Companion to be sitting astride another Companion.

I found myself being hypnotized by the smooth motion and the sound of his hooves hitting the slushy road, sending spatters of snow and mud up onto his legs and belly, and the bright sunlight and wind making my eyes water and then- I was flying through the air.

I hit the road in front of Rolan, mud and snow getting into my eyes and nose and mouth and coating my clothes.

I jumped up quickly, scraping it off my face with numbed fingers to glare at Rolan. I must have looked very silly, standing with unlaced boots and not enough clothing covered in snow and mud, but he didn't laugh, only stared at me harshly.

I pulled back angry remarks and stared back at him before saying with mud encrusted teeth, "Sir?"

_:Now how do you feel?_: Rolan asked, stepping forward to stop right in front of my shivering self.

"Cold," I said and he shoved his nose out, giving me a harsh bump that sent me back onto my bottom in the wet, cold mud.

I stayed there, letting it seep through my clothes and reach my skin, staring up at Rolan and forcing my anger away. If it made me a Companion again, I'd endure _anything_.

_:You have learned nothing:_ Rolan snorted, _:What did you think of, riding me?_:

"How weird it was," I answered and then before he could hurt me again I answered, "How much I wanted to run again."

I looked up at him, pleading with my eyes and showing my grief and anger, "I _want_ to be a Companion again. I _really_ do! Why can't I get back to being myself?"

_:Only you can answer that:_ Rolan said and turned silently, quickly, agilely and before I knew it he was kicking dirt into my face as he cantered off- leaving me some half a mile from the farmhouse.

"Damn Companion," I muttered, kicking at the snow, but since my boots were unlaced that only caused snow to shower into the boot, stinging through my socks to my bare, fragile human skin.


	14. Forgotten

**A/N: Thanks so much to everyone who has hung on since the beginning and those who have just jumped in recently! This is the last chapter so here are my final thanks... ****I'm gonna miss writing this story!  
Hellfires Fury- Thank you for reviewing! I really appreciate your support!  
ShadowHunter Mashell- Thank you as well- I'm glad you think all the chapters are great!  
I Forget- Talia is fun to write tough... then again, my overall impression of her is as a tough person, remember her first reaction to Elspeth? Hee hee. Well thanks so much for reviewing!  
TragicDespair- Is this continued enough? ;) Thanks for reviewing! XD.  
AikoNamika- Wow, I'm glad you like it that much! And once more, thank you for reviewing!  
hands giant candycanes to everyone who has reviewed any chapter  
**

Weeks went by. I helped out again with Dash and Yael and Talia helped keep up with the housework. She said she'd grown up in the Holderkin, and I knew that sounded familiar somehow. She clearly _wasn't_ a commoner now though- she held herself like a person of respect does, and she had earned it too.

She gave Dash the outlines of being a Herald in the evenings, telling him things he would need to know. Things he'd learn as a trainee, even though he looked a bit old to be in grays. And every moment I looked inside myself, pulling at the longing to be a Companion again, trying to force it out and change my skin- but to no avail. Dash said every once and a while I'd superimpose, but never when I was trying my hardest so _that_ didn't seem to mean much of anything.

However, one morning, I looked up and saw the vulture feathers stuck up in the rafters and I realized I'd never met these black feathered scavengers before. Dash saw my glance and he tilted his head toward the door, a silent invitation to go and see them.

I nodded, intrigued, and we slipped out, leaving Talia and Yael to finish the breakfast. He led me out around the barn to an area I hadn't actually seen before. There was a large wooden shed without windows, and I could hear the shuffle of feet and feathers inside. He unlatched the door and pulled it open, softly crooning to the creatures inside. Very much curious, I peered over his shoulder and saw five black hulking birds perched on perches built into the shed, blinking in the sunlight.

Their feathers were black and soft in appearance, contrasting their bright red heads covered in wrinkly skin around sharp brown bird eyes, peering at me curiously.

_:They won't hurt you:_ Dacian said, stepping inside and pulling a leather glove over his left arm, _:I've told them you're a friend.:_

_:Would they normally hurt me?_:I asked, looking at the silent and intimidating yet calm appearing creatures.

_:Yes: _Dacian said with a grin at me, _:They can be violent towards humans- Teryl was the only other one I could convince them not to barf at.:_

_:Barf?_:I echoed, stepping inside after him, the mixture of feathers and droppings on the floor muffling my footfalls.

_:They can regurgitate their meals at enemies- a very unpleasant event:_ Dacian said, a hint of humor in his mind voice and I couldn't help but smile.

He held out his arm and one of the vultures hopped forward, and I got the impression of ungainliness with the huge wings slightly outspread around a tiny body. They'd need that though, wouldn't they? Huge wings and small bodies?

_:They're beautiful:_ I said, gazing at the one calmly sitting on Dacian's arm.

He turned to look at me, his eyes happy, _:They are, aren't they? Few can see that such a creature that seems to herald Death can be beautiful. But you know- vultures are much more peaceful than any bird of prey- they do not kill.:_

_:True:_ I said, delighted, and Dacian had the bird hop back to its perch and then led me back outside, pulling off the glove and latching the door shut. There was a loud hissing noise from inside and I jumped by Dacian just shook his head- it was only the vultures.

Now _there_ was an interesting noise. Creepy. Or as creepy as Dacian and Teryl had seemed when I first came to this small farmhouse in an unnoticed part of Valdemar.

I took a deep breath and realized that I could smell Spring on the air. Had it been that long since I changed? An entire season? I looked around and the snow was almost gone except for a few patches and in a bare tree I saw a robin perched, chirping gaily.

I looked out, past the barn and farmhouse to the muddy road. It was still cold, only perhaps somewhere between five and ten degrees above freezing but it felt _so_ much warmer and I pulled off my gloves, pushing them into my pockets to let the gentle breeze wrap around my hands.

It was cold, but durable. And I thought of the night when I'd first been changed, when I ran several miles through a wintry night with nothing covering me but a saddle and bridle, the bells ringing to my steps and stones cutting into my feet- but I hadn't minded, hadn't even really noticed.

I broke into a run and didn't stop until I'd reach the road, and I sat down on the grass, staring at the mud. And then, on a whim, I pulled off my sweaters, one by one and tossed them down on soaking grass that was green with new growth- the only bright thing in this world still brown.

Dash caught up with me as I was dropping my boots to the ground and pulling down my trousers. He grabbed my arm with a gloved hand and pulled me around, his eyes confused and worried.

_:Daneric?_: he asked.

_:I'm going for a run:_ I answered with a grin, feeling excited as the cool/warm breeze wrapped around my naked body- as white as the day I'd been changed.

_:I'm coming with:_ Dacian said and stepped back, pulling off his own gloves.

_:No you aren't:_ I said with a laugh and turned, breaking into a run, my feet sinking into the mud and pebbles of the road, the cold mud sucking the blood and warmth out of me- but I didn't notice, didn't care.

All I had the eyes for was the movement, the running, the wind around my body. I closed my eyes and kept running. Should I run all the way back to where I was changed? How far? Where was I trying to go? I almost felt that if I just ran fast enough, my legs would change and I'd be a Companion again, the wind blowing in my mane and tail and my hooves kicking up mud.

There was a shout from behind me and I stopped, cursing Dash under my breath. _Why_ had he followed me? I turned around and saw him running after me, his clothes gone as well and his body pale and shivering.

"Daneric!" he shouted and I frowned, reaching out to pull him close to me, trying to warm his shivering body.

_:Why did you follow?_: I asked, feeling encumbered by the need to get him back into warm, dry clothes. He couldn't be out here like this! _I _could, but I was a Companion, he wasn't.

Suddenly I stepped backwards and stared at Dacian as a change swept through me. Encumbered? Dacian couldn't _encumber_ me! My _job_ was to protect him- not go off on some silly run. A Companion wasn't a Companion because of the form they were in- it was the _heart_ that made a Companion. Even if I never made it back to that form which I now saw as only useful because of the way it would help my Chosen, that didn't make me not a Companion!

How could I have not seen this? I pulled Daneric close once more and then whispered, "I love you Dacian. I will always protect you. Because _you_ are my _Chosen_."

Form didn't matter, wind didn't matter, powerful legs didn't matter. _Dacian_ mattered, _he_ was what was important. No matter my form, my job was to see him through life as a Herald.

_That_ is what I had been thinking about as I had galloped the lonely winter roads so long ago. I'd forgotten what it was to be a Companion. How could I have forgotten?

And then suddenly, as sudden as the change had occurred the first time, I was standing before Dacian, my neck curving around him, pulling him close to my warm, white coated self, standing with four legs.

It didn't even occur to me to be glad I had this form again, in fact, I barely even noticed the change had occurred again. I could only think of Dacian and I whispered into his mind as I had when I had Chosen him, _:Forgive me Chosen. I'd forgotten you.:_

And Companions don't cry.


End file.
